It's a bit better, but ideally you should have used something like "Sūn Quán-sama, shouldn't a man who has murdered people mercilessly go straight to hell?"
It's a matter of stylistic choice, in English "those" works just fine for indirect threats. Your version suffers from being too literal, being idiomatic is even better than being perfectly faithful.
葉月: it's not really any more or less idiomatic. In both Japanese and English you can have a generic variant ("those who murder", 殺す者) and a specific one ("a man who has murdered", 殺した某), and there's no reason to exchange one for the other. In particular, when the original text specifically uses a rare form like 某, you'll want to pay particular attention to its differences with the more common form that you would normally expect. Note, too, that she uses a past form in 殺した某, which makes it a direct reference to the past crimes of a specific person, instead of a general comment about murderers.
I'm not going to change it over such a subtle difference, of course, but I thought you'd want to hear the full story.
LaC said: [snip] I'm not going to change it over such a subtle difference, of course, but I thought you'd want to hear the full story.
I hear you, and appreciate your attention to details, but here I simply disagree. My personal sense of aesthetics tells me that the version I chose is better (which is why I chose it), whilst appropriately expressing the subtexts present in the Japanese text. At a certain level of detail it's just a matter of taste.
Listen up brother, the real question you need to be asking yourself right now is "What ya gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you, and you've got these twenty-four inch pythons to deal with, brother?!"
Listen up brother, the real question you need to be asking yourself right now is "What ya gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you, and you've got these twenty-four inch pythons to deal with, brother?!"
AT WRESTLEMANIA, HOAK HOGAN, YOU WILL FEEL THE FULL FORCE OF MY DESTRUCITY! AND YOU HAD BETTER BE FOKED, HOAK HOGAN, BECAUSE I'M GONNA FOKE MYSELF THIS SUNDAY ON EXACTLY ONE THING, HOAK HOGAN: THE WWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CLICK YOUR HEELS THREE TIMES AND ESCAPE MY MATRIX, HOAK HOGAN! YOU HAVE LESS CHANCE THAN TWO FIGHTERS AGAINST A STAR DESTROYER! THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR IS TO TAKE OFF AND NUKE THE SITE FROM ORBIT, HOAK HOGAN! SKROOOOOOONK!
Yakumo Ran's Struggle ChroniclesSūn Jiān-sama, those who murder people mercilessly shall go straight to hell, don't you agree?
Sūn Jiān was the leader of Wu in the later Eastern Han Dynasty of China. His sons, Sūn Cè and Sūn Quán, founded the Wu kingdom during the Three Kingdoms period.
