Artist's commentary
Sound of the Forest
A lion boy is recording sound in the forest. The drawing process began at the end of 2012 and finished in early 2013. This picture was one of the more detailed art I created using Krita at the time. During a gallery cleanup when rebuilding my website, I removed many bad-looking old arts. This picture was kept not because it looked good, but because it marked the moment when I decided to change.
When I was drawing this picture, although I tried really hard by drawing lots of details and designing the character carefully, I was deeply dissatisfied with the result. I had to be honest with myself that I was lacking a lot as an artist. I set out to change after this picture, but I had no idea that it would cost me a whole 10 years (2012 – 2022) to get things right.
There were a few key problems I acknowledged at the time.
The subject. I didn’t have enough life experience or philosophical reflection to initiate a meaningful conversation in my works. There was nothing to express. I was only drawing things that I thought to be “cool” or “cute” to appeal to my audience. It was either “turning another animal species into a robot”, or “putting a cute character in a complicated background”. Things got so formulaic to the point that drawing didn’t feel fun anymore. In fact, the “a cute character sitting in the forest” formula had been used for at least 3 times before (See Cloud Version 2, Rabbit in the Forest). I was clearly running out of ideas.
The colors. Very dirty. I relied on the basic multiply/overlay method for shading. I didn’t have real control over the colors I used — the layer blending would do it for me. Sometimes I would just sit there fiddling with color adjustment for hours. The result got increasingly dirtier, and the color relationship got destroyed in the process.
The anatomy and pose. I did not have a solid art foundation, especially when it came to anatomy. I could not even draw a good-looking face or a standing pose reliably. Every picture was a struggle. Every attempt to draw a new pose or a new angle would end up looking the same — I would unconsciously “smear” everything back to my comfort zone in one way or another.
Simply put, my ideas and my skills were not enough to support my ambition. I came up with a strategy to improve. For ideas, I read college textbooks of all kinds of majors, I paid attention to people and society, and I field visited many places, too. For colors, I studied color theory, paid attention to real world colors, and refrained from using any layer blending in color mixing. For anatomy, I studied the theory, practiced by imitating existing works, etc.
The strategy I mentioned above sounded reasonable, but they didn’t work as I expected. On one hand, the hard work might have laid down the foundation for later growth. On the other hand, my art regressed significantly during the whole 10 years between 2012 – 2022. My mentality was so bad at the time, the newly learned knowledge actually became distractions and shackles. I was uninspired to draw, and I didn’t feel joy when drawing. There were times when I couldn’t draw anything for months. I couldn’t complete a picture with the same amount of detail like I used to.
I think it was a change of mentality that finally pulled me out of my downward spiral. Sometime between 2022 and 2024, I pretty much gave up my ambition as a professional artist. And with that, my self-doubt and the urge to self-prove magically went away. I was able to really pay attention to “what I do”, instead of thinking about “what I could get” from what I do. I started to have fun again. The dormant knowledge and experience I had accumulated in the past 10 years suddenly became powerful tools. My art quickly got better.
At the end of the day, a mentality change cannot be forced by one’s will. Although I persevered for 10+ years, the all-important mentality change did not happen because of my perseverance. Ironically, it happened exactly because I “gave it all up”. I finally accepted who I am and began focusing on what I really care. If I remained a hobbyist for the rest of my life, so be it. I now have interesting ideas to share, and I have the ability to community my ideas using my art. This is the freedom I never had before.
As for this little lion who led me on the road of change, I might find him a place in Spirit Animals in Disguise.